Story shared at this link. Please share your story here as well: https://forms.gle/D9d2gF5R3PZs9fRk6
The Abuse
I was a 23-year-old BYU student. I had started dating a guy, Tom, but after a few dates things got inappropriate.
He touched me inappropriately, and then started to do it more because I would freeze. I broke things off and even moved to get away from him.
But BYU gave him my new address.
Tom showed up at my door. He told me he just needed to give me back a few things, and to please just open the door to my place. He came in, and he saw that I was alone, and he forced me into the bedroom.
He covered my mouth and held me down and raped me. He made me take a shower with him, as my roommates had come home while he was hurting me. He then snuck out my window.
He then told his roommate what he had done. I was traumatized and scared, and unable to function.
His roommate, Steve, came to my house a few days later, and said Tom had told him what had happened, and he knew I needed someone to talk to.
He said we should just go for a short drive, because he knew I wouldn’t want my roommates to hear what had happened. He took me to their apartment. I started feeling weak. I begged him to take me home. I had low blood sugar and nearly passed out. Steve said I would be fine, gave me some sugar, and locked us in his room.
When he started to undress I begged him to let me go, to please not hurt me. He told me I was already ruined, and he knew, and if I wouldn’t stop fighting him he would go and hurt some other innocent girl, and her rape would be all my fault. I was mad, and hurt, and believed I was worthless.
He made me stay all night with him laying on top of me so I could not get away.
In the morning he pushed me out the window, and then drove me up to the school and dropped me off for my morning class.
Telling Church Leadership
A few days after I was raped by these two BYU students, I went and spoke to my bishop and then my stake president seeking support and some idea of what to do. I was afraid that I might be pregnant or have some sort of sexually transmitted disease. I was traumatized and afraid.
The result was that I was made to feel at fault, and was asked not to partake of the sacrament and or pray or speak in church.
Tom and Steve went to their other roommate’s temple wedding the next week, and continued on as BYU students.
No church discipline was administered to them. I had no opportunity to testify against them in a Church hearing. As far as I know, they were never confronted by the Church about these allegations.
The Damage
The rapes and subsequent shaming have taken their toll on me.
-26 years of fear and self loathing
-Anger and loss of trust in God.
-Lack of trust in church authorities
-An irrational fear of being alone
-An inability to enjoy sex with my husband
-A constant checking and rechecking if all doors and windows are locked
-Constant nightmares for years
-A belief that God didn’t love me, or he would have stopped such events from happening
-A fear of all men, and very little confidence in their motives
-Recurring trauma triggered by hearing or seeing or reading about anything remotely related to similar events
-Constant fear that God will never accept me
-Worry that I was being punished somehow for I don’t know what,
-Ultimately hopelessness that I will ever feel okay, or not afraid.
I have spent many years and many thousands of dollars on therapy, but I still struggle with these thoughts and feelings daily.
What We Can Do
This kind of thing MUST STOP.
Abuse survivors need to be supported PROFESSIONALLY through this terrible process.
Members of the Church often go first to their Church leaders when in trouble. As good as many of these men are, they often do not know what to do in situations like this.
Abused members need a safe number to call to get legal and therapeutic resources. And they need a way to be offered the chance to bring their abusers to legal and Church justice.
Abuse survivors need help, support and an opportunity for justice.
Abusers need to be identified and appropriately disciplined.
To help create this system, please sign this petition: https://www.change.org/stopldsabuse
Please Share Your Story
If you have a story where you were abused, reported it to Church leaders, and did not receive appropriate support or justice…
PLEASE CLICK HERE to share your story.
I know it’s scary to share it.
Every person who has shared so far has been scared to share. But they did it anyway.
And they did it as ANONYMOUSLY as they wanted.
People will doubt it.
People will question your actions.
Some people will make you feel like the “bad guy.”
BUT WE HAVE TO MAKE THIS PROBLEM KNOWN.
If it keeps getting pushed under the rug, change will not happen. In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or anywhere else.
They might ignore your story. But they can’t ignore hundreds or thousands of stories.
For every one person who shares their story, there are MANY more who are silently saying “me too.”
When you share yours, you empower someone else to share theirs and move towards healing.
The more voices that stand up and share their story, the bigger difference we can make.
CLICK HERE to share your story.
And let’s make The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints the safest place on earth for survivors of abuse.